Endure

  • Grief Fingerprint

    Grief Fingerprint

    Today is our daughter’s graduation from high school. We are so proud of her and the hard work she has put in over these last four years. Grace, a.k.a., Little Miss Sunshine (LMS), has had an amazing journey, she has a beautiful story to tell, and you would all be very proud of her. Here’s… Read more

  • Kindness

    Kindness

    Hi Friends, I am due for an update to let you know what’s been going on. Many of you are vested in our well-being, and you have been praying for our family. I want to thank you for your prayers. I accept your special grace. I see God through you. True story. Were it not… Read more

  • Grief as Negation

    Grief as Negation

    God is most often described in the positive. By this, I mean positive attributes. For example, people describe God as joyful, loving, all-knowing, ever-present, creative, and merciful. These are positive attributes of God. Some religious traditions, however, prefer to understand God in the negative. Not as in God being negative, but in accepting that there… Read more

  • Toll for Thee

    Toll for Thee

    Here I am again, at the public library. I have my usual seat, looking out the window. I come here to write, hoping to minimize distractions and, perhaps, enter a sacred space. Unlike my last writing visit, there’s no snow today. Spring is visibly here, and color is pressing into the landscape. Trees are budding… Read more

  • Nearing Six Months

    Nearing Six Months

    Hello, Friends. March is flying by, and we will soon find ourselves resting squarely on April 8th. It’s hard to believe that nearly six months have passed since October 8th, the day Cooper put on his angel wings and halo and left us. Man, that was a rough day. They don’t get tougher. As you… Read more

  • Resilience

    Resilience

    I have been a teacher of resilience. For real. I’ll spare you the details and save them for another time. There’s a particular movie I like to share and talk about in my resilience classes: Leave No Trace. Leave No Trace is the story of a combat veteran suffering from mental health issues while raising… Read more

  • Cracked Ones

    Cracked Ones

    A few weeks back, on impulse, I asked my wife, “Do you care if I drive to Tennessee to see my brother and stay for the weekend?” She didn’t mind, so I asked my brother the same. He said, “Get on out here.” I drove to Tennessee, just east of Knoxville—about a 12-hour drive from… Read more

  • Good Grief

    Good Grief

    Chapter 1 I don’t know why, but I’ve always imagined my life unfolding in three narrative arcs—three overlapping yet distinct phases. If my life’s a story, there are three chapters. Inshallah. My first chapter was physical, the second intellectual, and the third, I intend, will be spiritual. In my estimation, the first phase of my… Read more

  • As If

    As If

    My heart longs for my son, Cooper. Every single day. As if. It’s winter. My bones ache from this relentless cold; I am chilled from the inside out. The sky is a sorrowful gray, sad and droopy. These winter clouds press down into the treetops, seeking life and color. Any color, even the bare, brown,… Read more

  • Aftermath

    Aftermath

    I underestimated the emotional impact of the Christmas holiday. I thought, “It’s a special day, sure, but still, it’s just another day without my son. Why would it be different from all the other days?” I wish I could explain why it was different, but I can’t. It’s felt, sensed. It was heavier without Cooper… Read more

  • Shadow Casting

    Shadow Casting

    As I have journeyed through this life, I have experienced hardship. I’m not alone—you’ve experienced hardship, too. I know that. We might call hardship suffering. I’ve experienced hardship in my marriage, in my work, in my finances, in my faith, in my health, and in my relationships. As I have navigated these various hardships, it… Read more

  • Monk or Millionaire

    Monk or Millionaire

    As I continue to marinate in grief, I feel and I think. I process. In thinking, I have three major regrets as Cooper’s father. I regret the day I ever put a smartphone in Cooper’s hands. Secondly, though it was not my choice, I regret that I did not push back harder on Cooper’s decision… Read more

  • Poundmakers

    Poundmakers

    When we lived in Montana for a few seasons of life, I was invited to attend a few Powwows. They spoke to me. With Cooper’s passing, I often find myself turning to art, listening to music, reading poetry—trying to find the words to express the deep place of hurt inside me. I found a video… Read more

  • Made it Better

    Made it Better

    Many years ago, I attended one of those generic leadership seminars. I honestly cannot, for the life of me, remember the name of the event. It was held at the local indoor sports arena. It was a packed event with literally thousands of attendees. Of particular interest to me was speaker Dr. John C. Maxwell.… Read more

  • Riptide

    Riptide

    Cooper James was born in the month of June, 2000. Historically, June is an interesting month. Here are a few examples: • June, 1933: FDR takes the US off the gold standard. • June, 1981: The first scientific report on AIDS is published. • June, 1991: Mikhail Gorbachev receives a Nobel Peace Prize. • June,… Read more