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Hello
Hello friends and family. We are inching up on three years. While we are in still in August, there have been a few mornings in the last weeks where my body senses that subtle change of seasons beginning. The leaves are already turning colors and many of them falling. This is a tough time of… Read more
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Endure, the Book
Hello family and friends, After months of writing, revising, and reflecting, the book Endure: A Memoir of Grief, Resilience, and Love is now available. The book is essentially the entirety of this blog collected into one place, along with some additional information and resources. Maybe you’re like me and you like to have the book… Read more
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Just To Be With You
Dear Cooper, I miss you. It is impossible to explain how broken my heart is without you here. I am so, so sorry that I did not understand what was going on. Moms are supposed to know these things. I look at your pictures in disbelief every day. The pain of never seeing you again,… Read more
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Theological Three Sisters
Here we are. October 8th, the one-year anniversary of Cooper’s death, is two weeks away. This has been a year in the dark wilderness, for sure. In these last few weeks leading up to this significant mile maker in our lives, I have certainly felt it in my mind, body, and soul. Deep in my… Read more
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Surfers, Mosaic Artists, and Carpenters
During the summer of 2018, I spent four months working on our house in Southern Arizona, preparing to sell it. We were moving to Montana. It was a fine summer, one of my favorites. I worked with my hands, used a variety of tools, and connected in a deep way with the objective reality of… Read more
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I love you
My brother, my mom, this family—we will never be the same. We will never know what Cooper was going through or why he took his own life. I wish we could go back to life before October 8th, 2023. I wish we could have prevented this. I believe if Cooper could have made it through… Read more
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Spread Cooper Kindness
When I think of my grandson, I will always remember his character. His kind heart was genuine and compassionate; he was warm, gentle, and caring. He loved his family and his dogs. I hope his legacy will always be to spread kindness. I still struggle with the word “suicide,” as my mind still can’t imagine… Read more
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Free Write
When Cooper died, and in the months that followed, I found myself walking and moving in a very, very deep spiritual place. I felt as though I could literally reach out and touch the spiritual world if I wanted to. I mean this sincerely. Out of respect for what’s on the other side, the spiritual… Read more
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“Thinking of you, Cooper” Spotify Playlist
Beginning in October 2023, I slowly started adding songs to my “Thinking of you, Cooper” playlist on Spotify. I like to go on long walks (my Trail of Tears) and listen to this playlist, and usually, the tears flow. I have developed a new relationship with music these days, a deeper appreciation for how it… Read more
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EI
There’s an excellent book in educational circles titled An Ethic of Excellence: Building a Culture of Craftsmanship with Students by Ron Berger. It’s one of my favorites. The premise of the book, as I understand and remember it, is that children need good models at the start of learning to see and know what excellence… Read more
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Wrecked
When Cooper graduated from high school, he wanted to go to Puerto Peñasco (Rocky Point), Mexico, with 18 friends. I was okay with this, provided there would be at least some parental supervision. So, I went with another father, Jason. We stayed in a different hotel, away from the kids. We weren’t there so much… Read more
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Alters
The alter they want me to heal at is in church. The alters I am actually healing at in this season of life are DJ turntables. and pub tables. There are others, but these serve as representative examples. Seasons of life. But where do we find God, and rugged hope, and peace for our eternal… Read more
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Freezing
When a person encounters a stressful or tough situation, I think there are three responses available: fight, flee, or freeze. As a Generation X’er, I grew up with my fair share of fighting. The bigger the party, the bigger the fights. Some of my readers will remember those fights well. We were not malicious; we… Read more
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Hedgehogs
Friends, I found a letter Cooper wrote when he was 13 years old. It provides some insight into our beautiful boy. It highlights his love for animals, and particularly hedgehogs. I’m not really sure why, but Cooper loved hedgehogs. Hedgehogs are Cooper’s spirit animal. This short letter captures Cooper’s inquisitiveness. He was certainly a smart… Read more
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How Ought a Man to Grieve the Loss of His Child?
The blog post below first appeared as an article I wrote for the national magazine of The Compassionate Friends, We Need Not Walk Alone, featuring articles by and for parents, siblings, and grandparents who are grieving the death of a child in their family. You can read the article here, page 8-9: https://www.compassionatefriends.org/spring-2024/ Special thanks… Read more
Endure 